Can you briefly introduce yourself?
Hi! I'm Sofie Ebben, 30 years old and living in Venray.
What was your life like at the time of your accident?
I was working as an event manager, even back then, had a super fun social life, absolutely love dancing, had been actively involved in equestrian sports since a young age, and come from a large family with 3 older brothers, divorced parents, and thus also 2 amazing bonus parents.
Since I was young, I've always been an avid athlete; horseback riding, hockey, ballet, sailing, skiing, squash, and tennis were my outlets. If there was action, I was at the front. I love exercising outdoors because it gives the ultimate feeling of freedom.
Can you take us back to the day of the accident? What exactly happened?
On September 2, 2018, I was living on a beautiful farm and had the horses at home. It was a warm day, so I trained the horses in the early morning. In the afternoon, because of the warm weather, we were going to have a nice boat trip with friends. The horse of that friend, with whom we were going boating, was staying at my place, and we had just trained our horses together.
After taking care of my horse, I went to put the rest of the horses outside. There was a whole system in place considering the layout of the pastures and the type of horses I had stabled. A mare and foal had to go out first. You always take them out together at the same time. As I did every day, I took the mare on the right with a rope and the foal on the left with a rope.Often foals run loose behind the mare, but this was an exploratory type that often went off on its own, in the opposite direction of her mama. That's why I took her on a lead.
We walked out of the stable doors, straight ahead to where the entrance to the pasture was. The mare walked briskly in the direction she needed to go, but the foal suddenly hit the brakes. This caused my body to be sort of split in two. One part went straight ahead with the mare, while the other part stayed with the foal. As a result, the foal ended up behind me. In a split second, the foal reared up, and because I had come in front of her, she landed right on top of me. I fell forward with my hands still on the lead, causing my head to hit the stones. In my fall, I had let go of the leads. Thank goodness the mare ran into the pasture, and the foal happily followed her mama.Because the foal wanted to follow its mother and I was lying in front of her, she ran over me again, and as she started to sprint, I got one of her hooves against my head.
Since I was lying in the opening of the pasture, it was still open. The mare and foal had panicked from the impact and were running together, with the ropes still attached to their halters, straight towards me, heading for the exit. My luck at that moment was that I must have shouted or called out during my fall, which triggered the friends who were in the stable to come outside and they were able to pull me out of the pasture just in time and close it.
It was immediately clear that something was very wrong. My legs were in a strange angle, and I felt like I had wet my pants. This is a common signal of a disrupted function.We called emergency services and soon a rapid response vehicle arrived. This was not an ambulance because the lady from the GP out-of-hours service did not fully understand how serious the situation was. After measuring my blood pressure and seeing my condition, the doctor concluded that there was nothing he could do for me and that an ambulance needed to come as soon as possible. It arrived not long after. I was immediately told, to prepare myself for what awaited me in the hospital and how they needed to get me into the ambulance, that they suspected I had broken my back…
What was the period like after the accident?
In the hospital, extensive examinations, scans, and tests followed. Contrary to what the ambulance nurses thought and had told me, thankfully my back was not broken, but I had torn my back muscles.Because the full function from my waist down was gone, I was admitted for further investigation. It turned out 5 days later that I had a "Functional Neurological Symptom Disorder" due to the blow to my head, also known as FNS. It manifested exactly the same as in a spinal cord injury, only the cause came from a different angle.
I was eventually admitted internally to a rehabilitation clinic where, after more than 1.5 years of fighting, I was told that the chance of me ever walking again was significantly small, as I was making so little progress. After 2 years, hope was given up, but with a new therapy, I eventually succeeded and, thanks to my perseverance and never-give-up fighting spirit, proved the opposite and I am walking again.I have no feeling left in my legs, but I walk and that is worth everything to me!
Did you wear back protection that day?
No, I didn't wear back protection and I sadly have to admit that I never did with horseback riding, even though I trained many young, reckless animals. After an accident while skiing two years earlier, where I was knocked over while skiing, but my backpack prevented me from having any damage to my back besides a broken shoulder and tailbone, I have always worn back protection while skiing since then. Why I didn't do that with horseback riding, I still dare not say to this day, but it really should have been different. An accident can happen in such an incredibly small corner after all.
What would you like to share with people in the equestrian sport?
No matter how well things are going, how experienced you are, and how well you know your animals, things can ALWAYS go wrong, in the most trivial ways, as you hopefully picked up from my story above. It's not about how often things go right; it's about that one time when everything goes horribly wrong. Because I practice both sports, where things often go wrong, I can truly say how incredibly important wearing back protection is and how much of a difference it can make. Especially since it's such a small effort, and the Spines back protector are also super comfortable, so they don't hinder you in practicing your sport.
What consequences of the accident do you still notice the most today?
As described above, I have no feeling in my legs anymore. There are often jokes made about how nice it is that I don't feel anything when I bump into something or that I don't have muscle pain. Sensation and pain are a warning from your body; if you no longer experience that, you can end up in tricky situations. For example, the heat of water, if you break something or if you step on something. Once, a shard of glass was fished out of my foot after quite a bit of blood was visible around me, and I didn't realize I had stepped on glass. Not handy and often even dangerous.
All in all, given what I was dealt, that I would no longer walk, I absolutely cannot complain about how things are going for me now.I still remember that during my time in the wheelchair, I always said, found, and still find;
“There are people who are terminally ill, who would give anything to be able to live, even if it's from a wheelchair." Who am I to sit around sulking about my situation? I still have a chance and I get to live, even if it’s sometimes tough. I will get that chance. So chin up and make the best of it.”
And of course(!) you can really be sad about it sometimes. I don’t deny that. But living this way still has plenty of beautiful things to enjoy and experience happiness.
What was the hardest part of your recovery?
Being dependent on others and having to derive my energy and happiness from completely different things at an age when you should be able to be active and carefree.While all my young friends were traveling, going out, playing sports, and so on, I was lying there in a hospital bed with a catheter between my legs, trying in vain every day to regain any function in my legs.
Are there things you have started to do or see differently since the accident?
As cliché as it is and how much I didn't believe it before, and sometimes even found it a bit airy-fairy, I really enjoy all the little things. How everything looked much brighter in my wheelchair when the sun shone, I received a sweet message from a loved one, which gave me new strength to keep going, or how sitting by the water, enjoying the sound of babbling water, brought me peace. It’s REALLY the little things that matter.
What do you miss the most since the accident?
The carefree and reckless way of living where you’re not focused on all the risks or the sadness that the situation has brought. Not that I find life heavier now or anything like that. Absolutely not. On the contrary. I now think about everything, what is the worst that can happen to me? But, what I do find quite difficult is how lovingly your surroundings want to protect you from everything and quickly say: “No Sofie, you better not.” No matter how lovingly it is meant, that last bit of independence, or trying something that might not be the wisest, is such an important thing for someone who has already had to give up so much, to feel even a little independent. I do find that a bit challenging sometimes. After all, I’m not old and decrepit yet ;), even though my body sometimes shows something different.
